At our monthly faculty meetings, the administration lays out a spread of treats for the taking at seven in the morning. At the last one, I sat across from the teacher who sometimes falls asleep in her neck. This is what she ate-- and I am not exaggerating a single crumb. Being incredulous forces you to keep track. I don't know where it all came from, but by the end of the meeting, I was giggling so hard I had to pretend I needed to use the bathroom. We have another one tomorrow, and I am excited. Down Ms. P's gullet went:
1. A blueberry donut
2. A glazed donut
3. A sausage mcmuffin with egg (some trembled on her lip for quite some time)
4. A bag of cool ranch Dorito's (the smell proceeded the plate-centered mound which she delicately emptied out with her long red fingernail before tip-tip-tapping the last ranchy morsels from their foil corner into her foodhole)
5. A plain white bagel
6. A coke to wash it down (the only physical fetching I witnessed)
7. An oatmeal moonpie.